Something is majorly wrong with me (apparently "majorly" is not a real word...oh well). Why o why would I believe someone I chatted with on the internet would actually have a genuine interest in me?

I guess because I can have a genuine interest with someone I chat with on the internet. Isn't everyone like me?!

I truly desire that I could see myself for the idiot that I apparently am, or in the words of a close friend...dingbat. How can I keep my head in the clouds despite so many negatives and then what is it that makes me so incapable of changing the way I think or the way I feel when the facts are staring me in the face. It's extremely disconcerting to be this way. I must have been made this way for some reason.

I will prevail...

You know, whether I'm at home or at my mom's house, when I'm ready to stop and be alone...I am ready. I resent the patter of feet (feet aren't so little at my house anymore) whether it's Cole, wandering around the house in his obessessive mode, trying to make sure all is right in the world so he can rest, or my mom shuffling around in her slippers, talking aloud (I think to me) and doing whatever it is she does before she can put herself to bed. I want to be left alone with my crazy head and I don't want to be bothered....with anything.

Still the patter goes on....

(30 minutes later)

Will it EVER end?

..........

I think it's safe now. After my seven days, I did sign back on to messenger and for a few days, four actually, I continued to chat. However, I do not like the direction this is heading, "this" being chatting with Tom, Dick and Harry on the internet. People can still reject you, offend you, ignore you and ridicule you. Of course you don't have to talk to them ever again, you can block them, delete them, and even report them as spam if you really wanted. I realize that I don't want to talk to just anyone, I want to talk to someone, someone who wants to talk to me, too. Someone who thinks about me, checks his phone for for my text message and calls to say hello. and I don't know anyone who does that.

Chatting is not something I wish to continue. I have to replace it with another intriguing passtime, something else that will suck me in just as seductively.

I am going to write a book.

.....based on me....

You should read it when I'm done.

Whether I will be successful or whether it will be published, it will be done.

It's very exciting....

The Day After....!

Not one message...not ONE! If I hadn't been boycotting, I would have been sitting there waiting for NOTHING! I was sooo mad, but you know what, I am over it, I am over him. I deleted him from everything, my account, my phone, and my head.

So seven days was great! They did the trick.

When I told my sister I was deleting him she said "are you sure you want to do that?...just a few days ago you didn't want to do that." She had told me a few days ago that I should just delete him, but I wasn't ready. Now I'm ready!

Now it's done.